The Press of Time

I've been taking a little time to think about time these days, and the way I manage it — or don't manage it — and how I can get more of it to write. I'm in heavy negotiations with my newspaper about reducing my hours, which feels very counterintuitive in this tough economy. I feel a bit guilty in a country grappling with 9.1 percent unemployment — with many family and friends either underemployed, unemployed or tenuously employed — to be discussing a two-day work week.

And not only did I request a two-day workweek, but I rejected my newspaper's offer of a full-time staff editing job, actually the same job I held during the dot-com boom. True, the position was shaping up to be a big, steaming plate of awful, with all kinds of new demands. But turning down a full-time job in a reeling economy is a scary thing to do. Killer Robot Husband was in full support of my decision, thankfully, or I don't know if I'd have had the nerve to say no.

Two life priorities drove this decision: my family and my writing. I’m feeling the press of time – I don’t have two years of my life right now to be Senior Editor Extraordinaire. I’ve been a SEE already, I don’t need to do it again. I couldn’t just take the job and quit after a year – I’d have to do it for at least two. That’s two years of missing much of Little Robot's childhood and schooldays, precious days when he actually wants me around. That’s two prime writing years set aside. That’s two more years before life can settle down a bit and allow Killer Robot Husband to focus on his own career.

And for what? So I can repeat the success I achieved 10 years ago under worse conditions? To prove I can exceed expectations with twice the work and a kid to boot?

So I said no. And whether I work under reduced hours or leave the paper entirely and freelance, the next two years will be all about the writing. I've been trying to get a writing career started since I entered journalism in the 90s, and every year it becomes more difficult for new writers to get published. I can't help feel that if I'm ever going to break into publishing, it must be done soon. I cringe when I think of the time I've wasted in the past and pray I'm finally disciplined and mature enough to truly take advantage of this gift of time.